Day 2

So many things have been going on that I've shut down. When loved ones needed me to pray for them the most, I've selfishly ignored them to live in denial. I can't take all of this at once. These are problems that can't even be solved. When I needed to go to God the most, I ran away. There was a sermon a couple weeks ago about opening up to u're bro's and sis's and sharing what's going on, sharing u're stories so that they would recite it back to u later and remind u of what God's done. I just can't get myself to share. One of my many problems. I don't allow myself to trust people enough to share deep personal things. I'd rather listen to others problems than share my own. I stick to shallow topics and shallow things in fear of them telling someone else without my permission. All closed up and things just keep piling. I should be letting it all down at God's feed, but I hold it all in. The tears, the pain, the frustration all built up inside. I'm ready to let it go.

God, it's always been in u're hands. Even if i don't trust other people, i trust u. Just need to keep reminding myself that u're timing is perfect and u're plans are beyond what we can imagine.

Day 1

For lent, I have decided to post a new blog everyday. As a way of meditating/ remembering/ keeping my eyes open (for God's work)/ sharing my stories(testimonies).. I always have things to post lined up in my head, but usually don't make the time to open this website and write it all out.. :/ so now.. i am making the time!

Two sundays ago I joined my friend in watching a chicago church service streaming live online. If there's one word to describe a black church, it would be energetic.. or maybe passionate.. or lively.. I was watching people worshiping on the computer and i felt this was how God made us to worship and praise. They were worshiping with their whole body.. whole body as an instrument.. singing and moving with all of their heart, body, and soul