All the Single Ladies

M.A.N. was so fun! It was awesome to serve the men of our church fam in love ^^ and it was hella fun doing it haha

Dedications was probably the most heart-warming and beautiful part of the whole night. It was a short period of time where you could actually see the love shared between two people. I saw so much love, that i felt lonely. I am sure all you single ladies know what i'm talking about. Other sisters dedicating their boyfriends and husbands. It was like watching a really really good romantic chick flick! As much as it is good, it just makes u want u're other half that much more.

I know most, if not all, tend to look at themselves and blame themselves for being single. I do it all the time. But what I TRY to do is redo my thinking. I try to think of how God's timing is perfect. God knows what he's doing. Maybe it's not the right time. Maybe He doesn't think I'm ready.

Which got me to think.. instead of just looking for flaws in my physical appearance or personality and doing absolutely nothing about it, maybe I should b spending this time to improve who I am. Maybe, indeed.. i am not ready. I'm so gungho and all excited about marriage, but I don't know how to cook anything besides ramen, curry, pancakes, and fried egg. yupp, and that's not gunna keep a hubby happy.

This year I am challenging myself to improve me for my future man by learning to cook other things, to sacrifice my time for other people, and to become more physically fit. (new years resolution! possibly a life-time resolution) Pretty much become better wife-material ;)
I challenge all u other single ladies to do the same.

Home again

yesterday i attended the yunhap annual christmas party where pastor Ben told me he reads this blog ^^ so this one's about church

Walking into the christmas party in my ugly sea-urchin pompom sweater was quite nerve wracking haha. Going to school out of state immensely cripples u're ability to fellowship with people and get to know them. It also doesn't help that new people r joining our church fam every week >.< but anyway, it was super awkward the first like half hour while we were eating. I felt left out and like i didn't belong, and self conscious cuz of my ugly sweater. They did they're own thing, while i did mine. Then, one of the other out-of-staters started talking to me, then somehow we got merged into the group convo and soon the group wasn't a mob, it was each individual person, a face, a smile.

I think that's one of the wonderful traits of yunhap em. If you are outgoing, there are other outgoing people, if you enjoy being a bystander, there are other bystanders to keep you company, there are cliques, there r floaters, but one thing we don't have: outcasts. ^^

you just got.. humbled!

So recently I've been praying God to humble me and just crack me open and shove me down because i am so cocky and boastful in everything that i shouldn't be.
I sure did get my prayer haha I first pulled my hamstrings.. so that perfect body i was going for is ruined and i got another eye infection.. swollen red and painful.. what's unattractive about that?

Thinking about all the negative stuff that's happening to me, I was praying God fix everything.. i just wanna go back to how i was.. healthy and comfortable.. then I got to thinking wow I can't handle a couple of days being uncomfortable.. I should be hella grateful.. there are people who don't live a day of comfortable..

status: process of being humbled..

God is our provider

Something has been on my mind and my heart.. I don't remember since when.. it's probably been more than a year by now.. it was always in the back of my mind all this time and I knew God wanted me to, but I was just too stubborn and afraid.

Yesterday(Monday), I saw him again in the same place as i was walking toward the mart. I felt another stinging in my heart as I avoided eye contact as I passed him, faintly hearing "spare a quarter?". When coming back from the mart, I crossed the street so I wouldn't have to face him again. And as I walked on, the verse from from the sermon on Sunday popped into my mind. Matthew 25:35 "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink..." (No i didn't remember word for word or where in the bible it was.. had to google it just now). It was less than 24 hours ago that I listened to that sermon. How could I have forgotten it by then? In the same sermon the pastor said to take action and not just speak it. HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS?! I prayed and wanted to take action, but still fearful and hesitant. I checked the weather for tomorrow and it was predicted to rain.. thunderstorm..

Today, before my first class I had checked the weather again and it said thunderstorm at noon. I began to think ok well if it's raining he's probably not gunna be there so I won't go. I love God, and how he can read exactly what I'm thinking because after class as I checked the weather again.. not thunderstorm-ing till 3pm leaving plenty of time for me to go. As I made that PB&J sandwich, I think my heart was beating faster than when I was working out this morning. I was so nervous. A million thoughts.. k more like 10 or so.. racing through my head. God, what if he's a jerk? What if he doesn't like this? What if he isn't there because it's gunna rain? etc. etc. Finally, I head out the door and to where he usually is.. and he was there.

I have finally met him today. His name is Steven and he is soooo nice. He smiles a loooooot. ^^ his toothless smile and his wrinkly rainbow eyes and his long gray-ish beard. Like dumbledore except on felix felicis. He responded with "I don't care" *smile* when I asked if he likes PB&J sandwiches. When I gave it to him, he said something I would've never imagined. "Do you want some?" He asked me if I wanted to share that sandwich with him. I watched as he ate it all in a couple bites. How does someone who is constantly hungry remain so happy? How does someone with no place to go when it rains and thunders, smile so much? How come I with so much, am not willing to share anything? He told me he's been out on the streets for 15 years.. FIFTEEN! and he's been asking for quarters, but "get's by". All the while smiling and laughing. Another verse came Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?". I have so much more to be grateful for.. and yet I'm a spoiled little greedy brat, worrying about my future and not fully trusting in the one who provided everything that I have now. I have gained all this from talking to him for 2 minutes. I have more to learn.

"Master, master, Japan is going to drown"

I heard the news about Japan today. Why is it that I always underestimate God's power. The first thing I thought was "how do you save an island from a tsunami? that's like a boat out in a storm. it's doomed." haha and you can hear God telling me "oh, yi of little faith." a boat in a storm? sound familiar? when the disciples were on the boat with Jesus in the middle of a storm, freaking out, Jesus calmed the storm instantly. INSTANTLY. I honestly don't know how this tragedy plays a role in his plan for these people, but he knows the big picture and I believe that he knows what he's doing. If anything he would want the best for his children and this is just another obstacle to face getting there. I believe that he will provide help and support. I also pray that they may experience his comfort and peace.

God was the first psychologist, not Freud

I'm currently learning about prejudice, stereotypes, and discrimination in my psych class and i just read about ingroup bias. Ingroup bias is defined in my textbook as the tendency to give more favorable evaluations and greater rewards to ingroup members than to outgroup members. Ingroup members being other people you relate to. Common sense right? We all have social groups, friends, family who we most relate ourselves to.. our INgroup. According to the ingroup bias, we tend to forget our fellow ingroup members' bad behaviors and remember their good behaviors. Wouldn't it be great if everyone was in the INgroup. No prejudice, no discrimination. I believe that's how God wants us to think of everyone. There's a reason he stated that we're all his children. ALL his children. Doesn't that put us ALL in the ingroup? Thinking that way changes our mindset, the way we view the world, view other people. We start thinking of "them" as "us". We start to forget their bad behaviors.. and remember their good..

I was kind of afraid that when I came to college and I would learn things that would contradict the bible and it would lead me away and make me start to doubt God. Now, I'm finding that the more I learn, the more I realize how amazing God is and how smart he is haha.