God is my Employer

This past summer I was desperate to get a job. Back at school before summer break I was working as an animal care assistant (once again), but I had reached my limit of what work-study has offered. I tried looking for another job, but it was nearing the end of the semester and everyone was looking to hire someone for the summer and not me who would work for a couple months then fly away. So after buying plane tickets for home, I was getting a little low on money :/ I hate being low on money. I felt insecure (not like.. self conscious, but like not secure) and anxious.

After I got home, I started desperately searching for a job, any job. I was checking the korean newspaper everyday to see if there was anyone who'd hire a student for part time. I called and went into a couple places but, they wanted someone who'd stay longer than 3 months. I was doubtful now that anyone would hire me since I'd be staying there such a short time, but I kept on looking, knowing that God would provide as always.

Finally, I called a burger store and they told me to come in for an interview. I went in the next day and met the owner who asked a couple questions but made it sound like I had job already. I HAD GOTTEN THE JOB! I was so excited, my heart raced, and I couldn't keep it to myself. I told my parents as soon as I got back and of course they were happy for me too. I thanked God for providing me with a job with an income so I wouldn't have to worry about books for school.

I worked hard for the first week, then I got a phone call saying that they didn't need me anymore because there weren't a lot of customers and they could handle it by themselves. I was shocked. I could not believe it. I worked there for a week! A WEEK! I was heartbroken, crushed. Was that the real reason they let me go? Maybe I didn't do a good job..

I quickly shook it off and started looking for another job again. I checked the newspapers even more diligently than before, but it seemed like there was nothing there for me. Slowly I started to lose hope. That made me think about the burger job I had before. God? Why did you give me a job, then just take it away? What's the purpose in that? Is there really something else out there for me to do?

He answered me rather quickly. I had heard on sunday announcements that they were hiring for summer camp. I didn't think it through at all because at that point.. I didn't really like kids.. after vbs's I just didn't think I could handle them anymore. I hadn't even considered it an option, but my mom mentioned it when I couldn't find another job. She told me "maybe.. this is what you're supposed to do." (in krn of course) *lightbulb* Maybe.. this IS what I'm supposed to do..

A little hesitant, but still having a little hope, I went to the first day of summer camp. WHAM! God provided me with a job. I was to be a teacher's aid for preschoolers aged from 2 to 3. I was ecstatic I had a job, but 2-3 yr olds?? I firmly believed I was horrible with kids. I didn't know how to talk to them, how to discipline them, how to play with them. I was just planning on marrying someone who's good with them, so my own kids wouldn't turn out undisciplined and just.. wrong.

Turned out God had planned for me to interact with these kids all along. During the month and a half, I had learned so much about caring for babies (how to change diapers, which was surprisingly not that hard), and also something about myself. I am actually decently good with kids.. so I was told by the teacher I was helping. Who knew. Me, good with kids.. haha God did, obviously. I am no longer afraid of being a horrible mother. :D and most of all I was blessed to be a part of those precious kids' lives. Through that experience I finally knew how everyone was made in the image of God, and also understood a little more of how God must see us. He laughs at the silly things we do (out of love, not like haha stupid kid.. but like aww haha u bring me joy), and even when we do bad things, or are super whiney, or make mistakes and pee in our pants.. he can't help but love us. XP

God is.. facebook?

Since the beginning of this semester I have been worrying about the summer. I was planning on storing all my stuff in the residence hall, but they sent me an email saying they are no longer storing students' boxes. Of course the year I'll be moving into that residence hall, they stop letting people store things. So I start frantically searching for summer storage.. boxmydorm.. dormroommovers.. they were all over priced asking $40-50 per box. After calculating the price of all the boxes plus registration fee, it came to about $160. I felt the stress sink in.

I don't have a steady income anymore. I just bought my plane tickets to fly back here, and I might not have enough to last me through this semester.

I sat in panic

what do I do if I run out? I've already borrowed so much from mom and dad, I don't want to ask again.. I can't.

For the next month or so fear snuck in on me whenever I thought about storing stuff for the summer. I prayed often asking for a way, telling myself He will provide. Then, one day out of the blue, my friend asked to have lunch together. We were eating and talking about korean artists and dramas we were watching when she mentioned she was going to fly back home for the summer. She then told me she was still leasing out her apartment because she had to keep her stuff here. And even before I asked, I knew that God had provided.

Sometimes He works through friends, sometimes family, sometimes strangers. I believe there's a reason I know the people I have come to know. Who needs websites for social networking when u've got someone who knows (literally) everyone.

God is a DJ..

Something pissed me off.
I usually don't get mad. It takes a while for me to get mad. But oh.. this got me mad.
I ran the conversation over in my head during all three lectures. I couldn't get it out of my head and all the thinking all the reruns just kept me angry. What makes them so great that they can say that to me? I wasn't doing anything wrong. They're doing things much worse than me. Hypocrites.

I go into work and look at the list of stuff to do today and sigh. I was in a complain-y mood. I reread number one on my list as I put on a once white now brown lab-coat. I dragged a cart of dirty cages out of the elevator and into the cage washing room. (It's where the cage washer is. It's a big machine that washes cages.) The job of unloading and loading cages is tedious and boring so someone had been nice enough to place a radio off to the corner. As I angrily loaded the cages into the cagewasher, christian music softly played in the background. I soon forgot about what I was angry about and just ended up singing along to the songs. I finished loading and pushed the on button. The cage washer noisily started up covering up the music. Back in my thoughts again, now a little bit calmer. I began to think.

I shouldn't be angry. Ugh. Why do I let anger control me and ruin my whole day? God, help me. I am a hypocrite too. God, please let me forgive them. I probably do hundreds of things worse than them. I'm not better than them. What makes me better than them? God, forgive me.

As I headed back downstairs on the elevator I wished that I had my ipod with me. Recently I got into a habit of listening to this one song on repeat to calm me down, rethink my thoughts, and meditate. Savior, Please by Josh Wilson. I usually bring it with me, but today I was in a rush and I forgot it. I really wished I had the song to listen to.

I continued to do other tasks and it was soon time to go unload the cagewasher. I headed back upstairs to the steam-filled room now quiet enough to hear the music. I started taking the cages out and stacking them up onto the cart I brought them in when I heard a familiar melody coming from the radio. The first 5 seconds of the song had played and I recognized it in an instant and smiled. Smiled in unbelief, in shock, in awe, in gratitude. Savior, Please was playing.

God knows your needs even when you don't ask.