Learning to Love

For the first time in my life I'm finding out that loving someone.. is hard. I've grown up hearing the verse that goes.. love is patient love is kind, it does not envy or boast, it's not easy to anger, etc. I didn't realize exactly what it meant until now. I didn't know what love was.. until now. What I'm learning so far: The phrase love is a choice, not a feeling. it's the choice to back down first from a fight. it's the choice to hold u're tongue when u're angry. it's the choice to try to understand when u don't agree at all. I remember a youth pastor saying: apologizing when the other person did wrong.. to save the relationship my pride does not want any part of this. it's saying.. if u love me, u would b understanding and showing me affection and giving u're whole heart to me out on a silver platter. and i'm learning.. love isn't about what they can do for me.. it's about what i can do for them. Prayer: God, help me swallow my pride.. and have a servant-like mind. Help me to love... properly (the way u love us).

Day 2

So many things have been going on that I've shut down. When loved ones needed me to pray for them the most, I've selfishly ignored them to live in denial. I can't take all of this at once. These are problems that can't even be solved. When I needed to go to God the most, I ran away. There was a sermon a couple weeks ago about opening up to u're bro's and sis's and sharing what's going on, sharing u're stories so that they would recite it back to u later and remind u of what God's done. I just can't get myself to share. One of my many problems. I don't allow myself to trust people enough to share deep personal things. I'd rather listen to others problems than share my own. I stick to shallow topics and shallow things in fear of them telling someone else without my permission. All closed up and things just keep piling. I should be letting it all down at God's feed, but I hold it all in. The tears, the pain, the frustration all built up inside. I'm ready to let it go.

God, it's always been in u're hands. Even if i don't trust other people, i trust u. Just need to keep reminding myself that u're timing is perfect and u're plans are beyond what we can imagine.